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Title: Kicked Out by your Old Lady, Turn to Truck Livin
Author: Steven Duvall
Article:
When times are tough on the home front--like if you've blown the
mortgage chest on a flat screen or "accidentally" made out with
her sister at a party--you may find yourself sans-domicile for
the first time ever. But don't take to a life of living in a
water heater box or posting up on your buddy's couch (or your
lady's sister's couch), scrounging for food and fighting
toothless vets. Instead, take to your truck. A gang of truck
accessories can build the peaceful pickup life for you.
It starts with all of your stuff out on the lawn. Or half of it,
anyway, thanks to the moo-moo-wearing yard sale scavenger next
door. You're down to just a handful of clothes, a busted
painting of dogs playing poker, and a gaggle of tools that
includes none of the ones you actually use. You've been
unceremoniously evicted from your happy home by the ball of
terror that is your enraged lady friend. And, while you may
admit fault decades down the line or next week after 3 or 20
beers, you can't help but angrily split the scene spewing your
foulest French.
Let "Survivor: Down by the River" begin. It may seem like a dire
situation at first, but, with your pickup and a few choice truck
accessories, you can actually thrive on your own. Sure, there's
no surprisingly hot chicks littered with mite bites--and
certainly no million-dollar prize for lasting longest--but just
getting by is what truck dwelling is all about. Remember: you
only need to outlast your lady's indignation, give or take a few
extra weeks fueled by her unsavory friends that massively
overestimate their own hotness.
First, you need a place to sleep besides the driver's seat in
full recline. For this, a combo of a truck tent and a custom
truck bed mattress is your best bet. The truck tent keeps rain,
snow and high-perched birds from ruining your makeshift
dwelling. Meanwhile, the custom mattress, which has specialized
shaping to account for your wheel wells, provides plenty of
comfort. It's not quite as nice as a pillow-top or your old
waterbed from the bachelor pad days, but it's better than
sleeping on a wad of jeans and bare sheet metal. Heck, the tent
and mattress setup are probably good enough to entertain a
guest, if you catch my drift.
Next, you need some good seat covers. When you consider that the
front and rear seats of your truck become your living room,
dining room and changing room while pickup dwelling, it's
hopefully obvious why you need covers. If not, I'll spell it out
to you: you won't be showering very often, the food you'll be
grubbing is pretty harsh on the plumbing, and changing in the
back seat presents too many chances for skin-to-upholstery
contact that could ruin your truck forever.
You'll also need a kitchen--especially if you're beginning to
like life without rent to pay or the feel of plopping in the
bushes. The perfect solution: a hitch-mounted barbecue. It's a
full-on propane grille, complete with a tank holster, a pivoting
arm and a temp gauge, meaning you can enjoy riverside burgers
and occasionally dry your clothes.
When it's all over, and you can reclaim your throne as king of
the house, don't feel like all of your truck accessories are now
a waste. You can still take the lil' lady camping with all of
your newfound gear, once the crimson in her face subsides a bit.
Or, if she's not down with a little taste of the pickup autonomy
you enjoyed during your exile, you can always see if her sister
is.
About the author:
Homeless doesn't mean helpless--you can beat your old lady's
crude eviction with some awesome <a
href="http://www.autoanything.com/truck/93A3.aspx">truck
accessories</a>, especially <a
href="http://www.autoanything.com/truck-tents/10A50603.aspx">truc
k tents</a>.
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